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User talk:LovecraftianTerror
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:437551#544964|Extension hook problem page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 19:05, June 26, 2016 (UTC) Re: If it's about the extension hooks, I answered that question on the thread. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:26, June 26, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:32, June 26, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:38, June 26, 2016 (UTC) Re: Help I have, when you posted to the "Extension issues" thread I wrote this: "It's the fact you keep trying to add a period to the title. That being said, reviewing your story, I would strongly suggest taking it to the writer's workshop as it currently isn't up to quality standards due to a fairly rushed storyline, punctuation, wording, and other story issues." I would like to know why exactly after reading that your first response was to upload it without any changes, and then reupload it with minimal changes. You then posted to the workshop, but didnt post the story (which is against the forum rules that were established.) If you can explain your reasoning for uploading it twice to me after being told there were issues, I will go into the rushed storyline, punctuation, wording, and other story issues present in your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:48, June 26, 2016 (UTC) :Read the deletion appeal header. Also I strongly recommend against making the appeal currently. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:54, June 26, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Starting with the basics, I'll be using the latest version you uploaded to the deletion appeal (which I subsequently removed for not following the guidelines). While not essential, using visual editor when posting a story can cause coding and formatting issues that make the text look like this: " I saw it. I saw a little. Not much. Just a tiny bit. Just a tiny, little, small, bit. Of it. Whatever it is. " Punctuation: "give them to the Lord, who's (whose) name I can't pronounce." You also tend to use a period when you should be joining similar thoughts with a comma, semicolon, etc. "It drives me mad, to where I rave like a lunatic. The one that we are." For example: "The one that we are" spoken on its own doesn't really convey anything. Wording: "It's began having me go out and spread the word of it.", "The u is about like that infull", "I won't lie, it testes (sic) me.", " Occasionally it let (lets) me rest" Tense changes: "The best I can describe what has made me so frantic is that it was a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a disturbing ..." The creature still exists and the story is being told presently, so you should be using present tense and not past (was). Rushed plot: This feels incredibly rushed. Even if it's intentional, it still makes the story very boring and uninteresting. If you really want to tell an effective story, you have to flesh out more of these concepts. "We are much greater." Why does the protagonist think that? Give us insight into their mind. "It finds other people, though, what it does to most of them is much more pleasant than what it has done to me." What does it do? If you don't really explain that, there really isn't much point in referencing it. Without these details, the story feels glossed over and poorly thought out. Story issues: This line: "My writing has became that of an underclassmen, or your average creepy-pasta writer. Average, how disgusting." feels like a pointless dig especially when you counter-intuitively describe the eldritch entity in detail. "The best I can describe what has made me so frantic is that it was a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a disturbing joining of random tentacles and other such entities, and they moved enough to seem alive, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind" It just comes off like you're trying to needle the audience, but it ends up falling flat. Story issues cont.: It also feels like you're trying to pad out the story. "the Lord, who's name I can't pronounce. The best way to pronounce it is as nearly as any human organs could imitate it or human letters record it -- may be taken as something like Khulul'-hloo, with the first syllable pronounced gutturally and very thickly. The u is about like that infull; (sic) and the first syllable is not unlike klul in sound, hence the h represents the guttural thickness. Though, I would like to remind you, this is still incorrect, and, even if you do pronounce it like that, it will most likely still come and find you some night, when you get up to use the restroom." Is there any reason why the protagonist needs to spend such time focusing on pronunciation and intonations? This is especially true since it has no bearing on the story and its importance is dismissed by the protagonist later. It comes off as pointless padding that has no bearing on the story. Story issues final: The ending is extremely anti-climactic. "Well, I have to go now. I'm very tired." It feels like you wrote this all in one sitting and just decided to cut it off at the end without any real resolution or reason for any of this content. I get the author is trying to spread the word of this extremely well-known eldritch entity, but it seems like they're writing this of their own free will and since Cthulhu is already forcing them to kidnap people (for reasons not given) so writing this entire introduction comes off as not being necessary. In the end, this feels like an introduction rather than an actual premise. The punctuation, wording, tense shifting, rushed nature, lack of detail/focus, anti-climactic ending, etc. really weaken the overall story. These were a few of the issues present that made your story below quality standards. I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop (and following the guidelines to posting there). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:36, June 26, 2016 (UTC) :I'm sorry, but I don't think you understand the concept of poetry or drama (" You probably didn't take poetry classes, or, fell asleep during them, given that you don't understand dramazitation (sic)") Here's a link to Lovecraft's works (note that his poems are there as well). There's literally no lyrical quality or flow to your story if you meant it to be a poem. I won't even get into the lack of stanzas, meter, or rhythm because I'm pretty sure you're just trying to squirm out of doing any work on your story (even E.E. Cummings would tell you that you have to at least have reason when misusing basic punctuation, wording, and grammar). :First it was only an introduction and now it's a poem? This seems like a lot of work to go through to not have to do any work or improve your story in any way. I'm assuming the line you lifted from Lovecraft is the description (likely from The Call of Cthulhu), which I didn't have a problem with (I don't have Lovecraft memorized so I'm less likely to name drop it, but to each their own.) I just noted the pointless contrast of lifting that line right before talking down to the audience. Finally, ignoring all the issues present in the story and acting condescending is an incredibly poor method for improving your skills. Best of luck to you in the future, I think you're going to need it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:28, June 27, 2016 (UTC) ::"You're probably somwhere around my level of intelligence,"I'm sorry but this is becoming very cringe-inducing when you begin humble-bragging. I don't consider myself an intelligent man, but I have spent almost two decades of my life writing so I've picked up a few things here and there and I do enjoy helping author who are just starting out (although sometimes I do find my patience being tried by writers who have too much hubris for their own good). ::As for mimicking pulp fiction, you have to understand that the definition of pulp fiction/magazines are: "magazines were best known for their lurid, exploitative and sensational subject matter", which really isn't present in your story. Having numerous mechanical and story issues doesn't make it pulp fiction, it just makes it less entertaining. I'll go and re-read some Lovecraft if you do the same to brush up on those concepts. I'd recommend: The Hound, The Thing on the Doorstep, and The Dunwich Horror. These were all submitted to "Weird Tales", the pulp fiction magazine and are pretty good representations of what exemplifies the genre (without delving into the other authors who wrote in the same vein). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:29, June 27, 2016 (UTC) :::I'd strongly suggest heavily revising and fleshing out your story before attempting to get feedback of any kind. I'd also recommend using the writer's workshop (the link is in the deletion message) once you have it more smoothed out. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:49, June 27, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:47, June 27, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story There are quite a lot of mechanical issues for the story being so short. As I've already pointed out a lot of errors above, here are the cliff notes of what I found at a glance: "I developed a clinical diagnoses (sic) of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder." You're using the plural when you should be using the singular. "Again, his response was: "I know you can"(punctuation missing)" "I worked simply off of instinct usually, (should be a period as the sentence is ended)" "Bad intentions. Horrible Intentions (intentions). As you are almost certain of, murderous intentions." "I pointed it a (at) him." "I really wouldn't have shot him, except he said.(should be a comma or colon) "I can be better."" Aside from these errors, there were quite a lot of story issues. There's little emotion here. It's written very clinically and without any real sense of drive or attempt to make the audience relate to him. "I would like for you to know that my father beat me something fierce when I was younger. Perhaps it's because he didn't love me, or, simply hated me, but mother said that this simply wasn't the case; it was rather that I came when times were hard. Being born around the time of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the Bush Era, and of course, the Great Recession" Story issues cont.: The story feels very anemic and rushed in places. "When I grabbed the gun he was hitting me with (yes, he was stupid enough to poke and hit me with a loaded gun.) I pointed it a him." This is the climax of the story and there's little to no build-up due to the lack of characterization beyond the generic abusive father and the uncomprehending son. The story falls flat of any real sense of drama. Finally there's the ending: I know it's supposed to be a confession and he's focusing on the event but this seriously feels unfinished. He shoots the dad and then it ends ("July 5th, 2016 -Confession of Carl Paulson"). There's a real lack of conclusion. Why is he writing this now, likely after all these years (you don't state a time, but given the year of his birth and implication that this happened a while ago)? How come police weren't involved as a shooting would draw quite a bit of attention. How exactly did a teenager disarm a grown man and turn their own weapon on them without being shot in the process ("yes, he was stupid enough to poke and hit me with a loaded gun"? Conclusion: There are quite a lot of issues here and the general rushed nature of the story doesn't really make it too involving. As I stated above, I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop as your two latest attempts have quite a lot of issues present. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:13, June 28, 2016 (UTC) :I'm sorry, but there is little to no context given on the feedback. For all I know, your entry could have been the only one in the contest or the nature could use something entirely different than quality as a qualifier. Additionally submitting something you wrote in tenth grade without bothering to make revisions or correcting issues is not the best start to getting a story accepted here. If you don't trust my judgement, feel free to ask another admin. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:23, June 28, 2016 (UTC) ::I'm sorry, but writing a story all in one sitting is a horrible way to start. While I'm not one to criticize writing methods, I will point out that a majority of the stories that are deleted are written and submitted within a short period. I already pointed out the writer's workshop, but I'll do it one more time in good conscience. Given the nature/content of the stories I recently read of yours, I would strongly recommend taking your entry to the ww for peer review before attempting to upload it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:31, June 28, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:00, June 28, 2016 (UTC)